1.Staff physicians include Dr. Who, Dr. Kevorkian, and Dr. Demento.

2.Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.

3.Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.

4.With your last HMO, your birth control pills didn't come in different colors with little "M's" on them.

5.Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

6. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park."

7. Your kidney transplant surgery is held up while your surgeon awaits his arraignment for grave robbing.

8. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

9. Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

10. Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is "an apple a day".

11.“Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo..

12. You ask for Viagra. You get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.